…and other matters…
In 2017 I made two purchases from a Mail Order company. Despite being perfectly satisfied with the products, I was forced to remove myself from their mailing list – because within less than six months I also received 1.74 kilos of their own advertising!
Last August I began going out with a 27 year old. Unfortunately, it was my car.
How can crisps make me fat when there’s hardly anything in a packet?
Attempting to travel to the past is useless because by the time one gets there it’s gone.
Life can only leave you with two real regrets – that which you have done and that which you have not.
No prison is more secure than that constructed of materials from one’s own mind.
The great mystery of life is why we aren’t all dead.
I’m only doing this because I’m not doing anything else.
Finding a job is easy – provided it’s for someone else.
I hate dreaming that I’m really tired. I’m already asleep – what more can I do?
I didn’t just idly watch television while you were out – I’ve also been to sleep.
A good keyboard and a bad temper can be a dangerous combination.
I may not be as old as you but I am older than I’ve ever been before – and that’s quite enough to be going on with.
Blanket advertising should be reserved for selling blankets.
The least usable commercial offer I have ever received was a Three for Two on knee supports, while the least appealing was a Buy One Get One Free on chicken manure.
Information can have negative mass.
In March 2017 my mother-in-law rang me to ask how to spell my name. It transpired that an acquaintance had wanted to send us a 37th wedding anniversary card. Is this situation good or bad?
Left in Confusion by Right Brain Storm
In 2017 I completed one of those fun tests to determine which is the dominant side of one’s brain, immediately scribbled down the outcome on whatever paper happened to be at hand, and promptly forgot all about it.
Recalling the event several weeks later, I found myself fairly certain that my result had been Left 73% – Right 27%, although without any written evidence I felt unable to rely on these figures. Needless to say, not one of the innumerable scraps of paper which I could by then unearth bore the information I wanted.
More recently, however, I was delighted when unexpectedly discovering those exact figures written on the eleventh page of one of five partially used notebooks that I keep in a makeshift lunchbox.
I cannot help wondering whether this episode bears out the result of my test.
Fishy Shipping Forecast (0048hrs 03/08/17)
“There are warnings of gales in the following sea areas: …Humber Thames Dover Sole Lundy Fastnet…”
It was almost as good as the memorable North West South East Iceland.